Butterfly

Today I am creating a better version of myself. Thank you Oprah and Deepak for the slap upside the head this morning (I received their meditation experience email this morning with these very words).
I am not the same person I was yesterday. I am better than before. As I embark on a big change in my life, changing jobs, I have to keep reminding myself of this. I believe, but I have to practice it. Thankfully, I have found a symbol that represents and reminds me of this, the BUTTERFLY. About 6 years ago, when I was working for Merit, my team was having a hard time adapting to change, so I wrote this quote on the white board in my office, "If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies". What's interesting is that, at the time, I was searching for a quote that other people could relate to, but really what I got was the acknowledgement from the universe that it was OK for me to change. It appeared to me as subtle reminders. I wasn't purposefully seeking out butterflies and I surely wasn't collecting them, but what did start happening is that I spoke the quote and they started to appear. After I gave notice at WLB I was freaking out, what did I just do? Wrapping my head around this change has been a constant battle in my brain. I know that what I am moving to is the next step in creating a better version of myself, but leaving WLB makes me very sad, I am leaving special friends behind. A good friend of mine told me that it is only natural for me to feel this way and tried to give me some perspective, he said, "you jumped and now you are just waiting to land". I understood what he meant, it made sense, of course, I am just waiting to see how this all plays out. It does make me wonder though, if we truly are changing from one moment to the next, then maybe we aren't waiting to land at all. Maybe we are meant to be more like the butterfly and flutter about, creating moments, rather than days, weeks, years, after all - it is the moments we remember.

Here are some ways the butterfly has appeared to me (none intentional, but all purposeful):

These were gifts from my friends at WLB.

I photographed this butterfly being released from a neighbors yard. I thought it was so pretty, I used it on the cover of my 365 days on Instagram book.

 

 

 After I left WLB, I was sitting in my room trying to make sense of the emotions I was feeling, and as I often do, I looked to my "happy place" photo on the wall and wouldn't you know it... there was a butterfly waiting for me.

I will leave you with a quote given to me by Zack, written by Winston Churchill.

To improve is to change,

to be perfect is to change often.

10,000 Steps

I have tried a little experiment for the last couple of days... I have been wearing Gary's FitBit to track my sleep and movement patterns. For those of you not familiar with a FitBit it is basically a rubberized bracelet that syncs to an APP on your phone that monitors your steps, sleep pattern, calories burned, etc.

Essentially it is an experiment in healthy living.
It turns out I am a great sleeper. No shocker there. I sleep like a log - no, REALLY. I have 8 hours a night of completely uninterrupted sleep - not a single movement! Now most of you probably think that is incredible, especially my husband because it seems he never has more than an hour or two of uninterrupted sleep(we're working on that - I see a sleep journal in someone's future), but I love to sleep and 10 hours is my goal!
In addition to finding out what an expert sleeper I am, I also found out that I take less steps on an ordinary day than my son who was home sick in bed. Not sure how that is possible, but it has now become a challenge. Day 1 - I walked approximately 3,500 steps all day - pathetic, I know (I work hard, but apparently my ass is glued to my chair - occupational hazard). Day 2 had to be better - when you know better, you do better! After many detours around the office and extra trips up and down the stairs I was able to add an extra 1,000 steps to my day. Thank goodness, because I may have my husband beat in the sleep department, but he has me beat in the step department. His average is 10,000 steps a day - incredible! Not sure how he does it, but a scene from the show PawnStars comes to mind in which one of the guys in the show attaches the FitBit to a paint can in a hardware store while it is being shook up. Hmmm....
Anyway, it is a little bit addicting to check your progress each day and of course I am my best competitor - I hate to lose!

Disney CEO

When Zack was a toddler we would frequent Disneyland Park two and three times a week. Before he was speaking in full sentences he would ask "go park?" and it meant can we go to Disney. Going to Disneyland WAS like going to the park for him. We would go for a couple of hours, he would run around, see the characters and maybe ride a couple of rides. He loved Toon Town; if Minnie Mouse could speak she would have called him by his first name - we were regulars!

Last night I had a totally different experience with that once little kid. As we stood in line for rides it was quite apparent that he has become much taller than me and in fact when we got to the front of the line at Mr. Toad's (Oh yes, it's a must for me!) the ride operator had told the mom and her son in front of us, "smallest rider first"....I'm sure you can see where I am going with this. Zack had a field day with it...Mom, that means you need to get in first! HA, the joke is on him because now I am the one who gets to sit behind the steering wheel! That hasn't happened for 16 years!

Anyway, as you can imagine the conversation was quite different from 14 years ago. Back then we discussed which character to see, potty breaks and trashcans (he was obsessed; he knew where every trashcan in the Park was). Now, we discussed what changes he would implement and the kind of staff training required to run the Park (when HE becomes CEO of Disney, of course).

It was such a special night, just spending time with my bid kid.
It truly is the Happiest Place on Earth.

Stop the Clock

Who has time for a blog? NO, REALLY! Who?! I set out with the best intentions and then life gets in the way. What else is new?!
I thought I would update you on the events of last week. You know it must have made an impact on me because I haven't bothered to write a post in well...years!

Daniel  My baby went off to 6th grade outdoor science camp! (Is 12 too young to call a baby?)
A short four years ago I sent Zack off to the same camp. Some of you will remember the mental breakdown I had with that one; afterall I was sending MY BABY off to 6th grade outdoor science camp. I have been accused of not knowing when to cut the cord...

Anyway, I was nervous to send him just for the fact that he hasn't been away from home for a full week before. Then God decided to have a little fun with me...

Incident One - Fatal bus crash on the main route into camp (the road was closed for 24 hours). Break failure led to the worst bus crash authorities have seen in 23 years. At 7am the morning he is supposed to leave we got a call from the school saying "sorry folks, no camp today". That is when the tears started. (Daniel was hysterical that camp was postponed and I was hysterical that I got to keep him with me another day) The next morning all systems were go; I shipped him off to the mountains. The next couple of days were spent just trying to stay busy. It helped that Gary and Zack bought me a new laptop - they know when a distraction is needed!

Incident Two - Sweeping manhunt (in vicinity of camp) for lunatic ex-LAPD who has shot and killed multiple people. That was a bad afternoon; that was Thursday. Let's see, hysterical mom has to pull off the side of the road because she is crying so hard she can't see the lanes. I attempt to go to design class and leave half way through due to panic attack. Luckily my mom and husband are able to talk some reason into my head or I would have been driving up the mountain to get him.

Incident Three - Snow and rain the morning of the departure from camp. Of course at this time my thoughts went back to incident one...

Something Gary said to me while Daniel was away is that he is not going to come home from camp and thank me for worrying about him. It's not something he would want me to be doing (lucky for me it's just in my nature...)
I hate it when he is right!

Daniel had the best time at camp. He had such great stories, such great memories and was even talking about going to sleep away camp this summer. That will be an entirely different post....
All that worrying and he had the time of his life; and you know what? He never once asked me if I worried about him!
So glad we are all under the same roof! I am one happy mom.